


More Like JungCUTE

by TangoMcGrand



Series: A Hyperbolic Cleanse [1]
Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Crack, Hyperbolic Cleanse, Utter Garbage, complete nonsense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 08:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7040689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TangoMcGrand/pseuds/TangoMcGrand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jungkook is literally the cutest person on earth. That's it. That's the entire plot.</p><p>If you think I can't make an entire plot up around Jungkook being the cutest person on earth then..... you have a brain.... but not having a brain has never stopped me before</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trials of The Cutest Person On Earth

Yes it's true that Jungkook has the innocence of a lamb, the softness of a cloud, and the tininess of a budding flower. Yes it's true that he is indeed the woodliest little snoodle on planet earth. And indeed it is also true that Jungkook is the most precious treasure in the entire galaxy and that even aliens envy the incomprehensible enigma that is Jungkook's cuteness.

But that doesn't mean that everyone needs to treat him with such disrespect. No, the rumours are not true that he's actually just composed of marshmallows and cotton candy, and indeed he is made up of the same stuff as everyone else (feelings). No, you cannot squish Jungkook's cheeks no matter how much he reminds you of your nonexistent grandson. And no, he is not actually just dozens of bunnies disguised in a trench coat. He wishes people would stop making that mistake.

In the same stream of reasoning, he also wishes that his friend Jimin (the only friend he had actually managed to make, being too cute for most mortals to withstand without wrapping him up in an excessive amount of bubble wrap to keep him safe) would stop treating him like he was five years old.

"Damn it, Jimin, do you have to constantly be squishing my cheeks together?" Jungkook demands.

Jimin, who has his fingers pinched on either sides of Jungkook's face and is pulling at his cheeks while making obscenely obnoxious noises, stills for a second as he looks as Jungkook inquisitively. "You ask that like there's another option." he says, confusion written all over his face.

"There is," Junkook confirms and Jimin squints at him, "you can just not do it."

The corners of Jimin's mouth turn down as he stares, uncomprehending at Jungkook, hands still latched onto Jungkook's face. “I'm not sure I understand.” Jimin says.

Jungkook sighs, lifting his hands to his face so that he can take Jimin's wrists and demonstrate the fact that he can pull him off. His fingers fold loosely around Jimin's palms as he tugs at them gently. Jimin's grip on his cheeks doesn't loosen. Instead, Jungkook ends up just pulling on his own cheeks with Jimin's hands, making Jimin squeal with delight and grin down at him, breath playing hotly at Jungkook's face.

Jungkook's cheeks hurt from being pulled so much. “Come on, man.” he says exasperated. Jimin giggles excessively in response, hands still fastened to Jungkook's cheeks.

Literally being the cutest human being on earth sometimes makes Jungkook's friendship a lot more strained.

 

. . .

 

Jungkook has to wear ear protection around Baekhyun. It is something he'd long ago grown to accept. Baekhyun is already a boisterous guy and a noisy neighbor in general, but every time he sees Jungkook that noisiness is amplified by the power of ten. Every time that he so much as glances in Jungkook's direction he screams.

It is not Baekhyun's fault; not really. Jungkook knows that his face may as well be made of kittens and clouds. He could not help being the sweetest and most innocent person on earth. Even if he tried to look aggressive at all people would just just squeal even more. Once upon a time Jungkook had tried to calm his cuteness down a bit by getting really fit and developing bulging muscles that were absolutely not cute and maybe intimidating, but that had had no effect. The only thing that had happened was that his friend Jimin responded with “And somehow you still manage to be tiny.” while grinning widely and reaching up to pinch Jungkook's cheek.

After that Jungkook had given up his dreams of being a comprehensible level of cute.

It is for reasons like these that Jungkook is a little antsy about his job interview. He's already stressed and it doesn't help that Baekhyun is screaming at him from the other side of the fence again when Jungkook just wants to ask him to water his flowers. This always happens. When Baekhyun calms down enough to form coherent sentences, Jungkook tries not to look too nervous in his ironed shirt and pressed tie, knowing that would only make it worse.

“You're like a bunny that going to his nine-to-five office job.” Baekhyun squeals delighted, squeezing the hem of his shirt in his hands and rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Okay-” Jungkook starts before being interrupted by another one of Baekhyun's squeals. He waits patiently for Baekhyun to get a hold of himself. “I'm about to go to a job interview-” another squeal, “And I was wondering, since you're already doing your own, if you could water my plants while I was out, I'm worried about the sun getting to them.”

“That's so adorable that you care so much about your plants!” Baekhyun exclaims. Jungkook thinks it's actually a pretty average thing to care about your plants, but he knows better than to mention that. Usually if Jungkook tries to be modest, people just think he is cuter. Tragic.

 

. . .

 

The interview goes about as well as Jungkook could have expected, at least Kim Junmyeon is professional enough to keep his hands away from cupping Jungkook's face, though he does cup his own face and spend an unnerving amount of time staring at him. “And what is it about the Lame and Dumb© Offices that interests you?” Junmyeon asks, head resting dreamily on his hands. He only briefly glances at the sheet before him, before turning his unsettlingly wide eyes back up to Jungkook.

“I just, like what you guys do. My father used to work here and he said that- why aren't you writing anything down?”

Junmyeon glances down at the empty spaces in the sheets before him. “Oh my,” he says, “I'm sorry I was just a little distracted. Did you know that you're the cutest person I've ever seen?”

Jungkook shifts in his seat. “I'm not sure how to answer that question.” he meanders.

“You see?! Adorable!” Junmyeon exclaims. “How did you get this cute?”

Jungkook frowns. “That's not a question on your sheet.”

Junmyeon immediately becomes more businesslike. He straightens the papers on his desk and looks at Jungkook under his glasses. “Sometimes I go off script according to the interviewee. Answer the question.”

“Well I mean I guess I was born-”

Before Jungkook can finish his sentence Junmyeon interrupts him. “Can i squish your cheeks?”

Jungkook sighs. “No.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes.”

Junmyeon nods and adds his first note to his papers. Jungkook can read it upside-down, it says _'NO cheek-squishing'_ Jungkook suppresses a sigh. Junmyeon looks back up at him, “And there is no way you'll change your mind?”

“Absolutely not.”

Junmyeon hums and underlines the 'NO cheek-squishing' several times. He looks back up at Jungkook seriously. “I'm going to be honest, when I heard I was going to be conducting interviews, I didn't expect to see a baby in a suit.” Junmyeon laughs.

Jungkook frowns. “I'm twenty years old.” he says.

“And I can see by your resume that you're very qualified." Junmyeon tells him. "You know I came into this interview very impressed, but I'm afraid that this office doesn't hire tiny bunnies.”

Jungkook suppresses a groan. “I'm a human being.” he says.

Junmyeon cocks his head to the side, “Hm?” he says, “Oh yes I see that you are. This is weird, for a second there I could have sworn that I was interviewing a- nevermind. Let me take a look back down at your qualifications.” he looks down to the papers before him and shifts through them absentmindedly. “Okay, yes, I see that everything is in order now. Can you start Monday?”

 

. . .

 

On his first day at work sixteen people squeal loudly at the sight of him, nine people drop their papers, and one person breaks their stapler by literally crushing it in their hands when he asks them for help in getting settled down. Jungkook thinks it could be worse. He shares an office with a guy called Chanyeol and a girl called Solji, who upon seeing him, both fall to the floor hugging themselves and whispering deliriously to each other about how cute Jungkook is while stroking each other's faces. Jungkook wishes he could say that it was the first time that had happened.

When Jungkook is in his office, Chanyeol is usually hugging him closely in cramped or otherwise awkward positions as he tries to squeeze the life out of Jungkook like toothpaste out of a tube. Jungkook thinks that his cheeks are going to become prematurely saggy because they keep being pulled this way and that by random people in the office.

These are the sacrifices he has to make in order to have a job though, so Jungkook powers through it. Such are the drawbacks of being the most precious being in the entirety of existence forever.

 


	2. A Plot Appears?

Jungkook doesn't realize that he's being watched... maybe because he's always being watched. In this case he's being extra super watched consistently by the same person.

He doesn't register the soft footfalls twenty meters away, or the eyes that trail as he browses the window display at the marketplace. These eyes had witnessed an old woman drag him through a grocery store for over an hour trying to find his mother (even though he had come alone and was a fully formed adult for god's sake), and had witnessed the the scene Jungkook had caused by picking up a kitten and holding it close as an increasing crowd kept cooing around him and squishing their faces like some cult ritual.

Jungkook is on his way home after a long day of work at the office. The sun is going down when he sees a man sprawled out across the edge of a stone wall. He has long thin legs, and a predatory smirk that's almost feline. He's pretty. The setting sun plays patterns across his smooth skin, dark eyes, and plush lips. Pretty, but terrifying. The boy leers down at him and Jungkook does his best not to panic as he plans his escape if the boy makes any sudden moves. The boy does make a sudden move; he pushes himself off his elbow to sit himself up as Jungkook approaches. Jungkook involuntarily jumps and reviews all he had ever learned about jujitsu from the television programs he's marathoned.

The boy grins a cat-like grin, “You're cute.” he says.

Jungkook gulps, hands twitching at his sides and ready to go into fighting stance, “Uh, thanks.” he says. There was an inherent lack of screeching or revelry in the boy's tone though that catches Jungkook off guard. No one had ever called Jungkook cute so plainly before, so... unaffected by the pure and brilliant innocence seeping through Jungkook's skin from his very core.

“You're welcome.” the boy says before he jumps off the wall to land a few feet in front of Jungkook. “I'm Bambam.” he says, straightening himself up and dusting off his jacket. He extends a hand for Jungkook to shake which Jungkook only eyes warily.

“I'm Notlookingforanytrouble.” Jungkook responds, walking past Bambam and trying not to make eye contact.

Bambam keeps in step with Jungkook as he makes his way home and Jungkook determinedly tries not to look at him, only uncomfortably aware of the blur of a man in his peripheral vision. “Well, Notlookingforanytrouble,” Bambam says, “It's nice to meet you.”

Jungkook keeps his eyes on the sidewalk ahead of him, his palms damp and warm in his pockets. “Oh?” he says, trying to keep the waver from his voice.

“Yes, well, word on the street is that you're the cutest person on earth.” Bambam leers, “I had to see for myself.” Jungkook doesn't want to turn and look at the sly grin on Bambam's face that he's absolutely certain that is there even without seeing it. Jungkook never liked travelling alone, though with his lack of friends he rarely had another option.

Jungkook almost trips on the sidewalk as his legs wobble, “Who told you that?” he asks.

Bambam shrugs dispassionately, “You know how word gets around.” He gestures vaguely. It does nothing to soothe Jungkook's worry. “Anyway, it was nice meeting you kid. Very illuminating. I'll see you around.” Bambam stops walking and Jungkook turns for one moment to catch a glance of Bambam's expectant knowing smile and his stomach does a weird flip. He doubles his stride length as well as his pace to match the rhythm of the way his heart races.

. . .

“Who is it?” Jimin shouts in anguish, “Who intimidated my tiny precious bunny poof?! I WILL FIGHT HIM!” Jimin clenches his (strikingly tiny) hands into little fists and does his best to glower threateningly in Jungkook's direction but only manages to resemble a very angry muffin. To Jimin's credit, at least it is an angry muffin when usually he can't even pull off a miffed apple crumble.

“I literally just told you that I don't know who he is.” Jungkook tells Jimin, and Jimin squints his eyes. “I don't know where he works or how he knows me. He just said his name was Bambam.”

“I'm about to BAM BAM ON HIS THROAT IF HE COMES NEAR YOU AGAIN.” Jimin yells raising his angry fists into position to box the air in front of him threateningly.

Jungkook watches him, expression unchanged. “Yes, thank you, that's very helpful.” he says.

Jimin lowers his fists and looks at Jungkook. “I'm not kidding Kookie,” he says, “if this guy ever bothers you again just call me and I will come racing down on my ten gear bicycle and run him the hell over; don't test me.”

Jungkook blinks, uninspired. “Jimin,” he says patiently, “you have never hurt another soul in your life. You won't even let me kill spiders.”

Jimin pouts. “That's because those tiny creatures have just as much a right to life as anyone else.” he explains. He lowers his head away from Jungkook and looks towards the floor “Besides they're so cute.” he whispers, eyes widened.

Jungkook grimaces. “If you say so.” he says. “Too many legs if you ask me. I max out at four.”

Jimin squawks indignantly, “What about octopuses!” he exclaims, hands pressed to his doughy cheeks in the scandal of it all.

Jungkook shrugs, “Octopuses are basically just living sea-jello. It's creepy. They don't even have bones. That's messed up.”

Jimin looks at Jungkook with all the disgust his entire being can muster, which is at about 0.2% of the national average. “I don't even know who you are anymore.” he says shaking his head.

“I know you though,” Jungkook says, “And I'm pretty sure the closest you ever got to punching someone was when you accidentally elbowed that homeless guy in the soup kitchen when you were giving him an extra portion of soup.”

“SLANDER!” Jimin exclaims. He puts his hands in his lap and looks exasperatedly to the side. “Why you gotta pull receipts on me like this.” he complains. “I'm tough. I'll fight anyone. I'll fight you. I'll fight Bambam, hell I'll fight myself. Someone has to; I've been asking for it lately by the way I've been hogging all those free muffins to myself at work.”

Jungkook sighs. “For the last time, Jimin, Irene makes those mostly for you. She said so herself. You can have as many muffins as you want and you're not slighting anyone.”

“You say that, but you've never tried Irene's muffins before.” Jimin tells Jungkook seriously. “Being denied one of those is like being denied one of god's personal creations.”

Jungkook blinks. “I think that might be blasphemy, what you just said there.”

“Yet another reason why I'm actually the most rebellious man alive.” Jimin claims. “Also, again, you've never tried her muffins.”

 

. . .

 

Jungkook's not even a week into his new job, when he gets called into his boss' office. Now while it's true that Jungkook is indeed the fluffiest and smallest precious bun bun who needs to be protected at all times always, that doesn't mean he needs to be called into the office about it. And he shouldn't be the one blamed for all the minor office accidents that that happen because other employees get distracted by what a fuzzy little shnuffle he is. Jungkook's shirt is still wet because someone had squeezed the heck out of the cup of water when Jungkook had tried to sneak by him near the water cooler.

As far as work is concerned, Jungkook is pretty sure he's done a pretty good job of blending in. He works hard and makes sure to always turn his work in on time. He does his best. But he's still been summoned to the office, for whatever reason, and Jungkook has to prove that he is as competent and obedient worker as he is the most adorable treasure in the entire galaxy. Possibly universe. Probably universe. Definitely. Yeah, definitely.

When Jungkook enters Junmyeon's office the first thing that he notices is that Junmyeon doesn't even look at him. He makes absolutely no movement to show that he's registered Jungkook arriving at all, and instead he just continues to stare at another man in the room, his tall blonde figure blurry in Jungkook's peripheral.

Jungkook follows his boss' gaze and finds The Most beautiful person he has ever seen in his life. The man has soft cheeks, plush lips and a hard jaw, his golden hair like a halo around his flawless face. Even his posture has grace as he stands tall beside Junmyeon, his broad shoulders and lean frame in perfect condition. Jungkook finds himself drawn into the dark eyes that are outlined by his eyelashes. He bats them once. Jungkook has never seen a blink so elegant.

He's gawking, Jungkook realizes. He shakes his head and turns his attention back to his boss who is still staring at the beautiful stranger.

The beautiful stranger clears his throat and Junmyeon startles a bit at the sudden noise. Jungkook turns his head to make polite eye contact with the ethereal man. Beautiful stranger opens his lips to reveal a row of pearly whites, “Word is you're the cutest man on earth.” he says, before drawing his perfect mouth into a perfect smile. He raises an eyebrow. “I'm Seokjin, by the way.”

Jungkook finds himself surprisingly able to function, considering he's potentially looking at all beauty available on earth concentrated into one perfect being. He's definitely faring better than his boss who is nothing more than a puddle of his own drool in his fancy office chair. Jungkook can't help being nervous, as he generally is around strangers. He can't help the small stammer in his voice. “J-Jeon Jungkook.” Jungkook says, stumbling a little over the words as he speaks.

Junmyeon squeals and whips his head over to look at Jungkook immediately. “Jungkook!” he gushes, his entire face a bright shade of red from being in the same room as Seokjin. “My tiny office worker! My most precious treasure! This man-” Junmyeon blinks several times as he gazes at the epitome of earthy beauty as if contemplating the possibility of the Ancient Greek Gods walking among men“-is here to see you.”

“Oh.” Jungkook says intelligently.

Seokjin smiles a smile that could level cities, enchant even the most corrupt kings, and bring the entire world crumbling to ruins at his feet. Junmyeon falls out of his chair and doesn't get up off the floor.

Seokjin doesn't even look at him. “Happens all the time, you might be surprised.” Seokjin says with a glimmer in his eye and then laughs the most humourable tinker of a laugh. There's a glint in his eye as he looks at Jungkook, “Or maybe _you_ wouldn't.” He puts special emphasis on the 'you' and Jungkook screws his eyebrows together in confusion..

“It must be pretty challenging to be as cute as you are,” Seokjin says ambiguously, finally looking away from Jungkook and instead casually inspecting a knick knack on Junmyeon's desk. Jungkook worries his bottom lip absentmindedly before realizing what a mistake he'd made because oh ho ho if Jungkook did anything that made him seem nervous or unsure that would turn his preciousness up to TEN THOUSAND. He'd had to unlearn the habit of biting his lip after an incident in grade school where his teacher had collapsed into tears, begging for forgiveness from God for not having protected Jungkook from all pain and fears and then cursing the corruptness of the earth.

Except right now it doesn't seem like a mistake. Seokjin glances up from the knickknack just as Jungkook's cuteness is all the way up to his DANGER level and barely even blinks. The corner of Seokjin's lip twitches up, as he turns back to Jungkook “I can empathize.” he says.

Jungkook swallows, tucking his thumbs into his palms. The stranger is as intimidating as he is beautiful and Jungkook's throat has gone dry. “Oh?” he manages out.

Seokjin puts down the knicknack he'd been playing with, it's a porcelain frog playing the banjo. “Yes.” Seokjin says simply. He looks back up into Jungkook's eyes and Jungkook gulps. “You know you're really damn cute, kid.” he purses his lips and looks meaningfully at Jungkook, and Jungkook can do nought but stare back, albeit significantly more timidly. “Have you ever wondered whether or not you're the cutest person in the entire world?” Seokjin quirks an eyebrow.

The beautiful stranger allows his words time to sink in the heavy air that has surrounded Jungkook. It's not the first time that someone has used those exact words on Jungkook but it's the first time that it's had such weight. The words settle on Jungkook's shoulders with unprecedented heaviness that almost has enough capacity to make Jungkook stagger back. “What?” he chokes out, confused. Literally the cutest person on earth, like some sort of entry in the Guinness book of world records.

Seokjin considers Jungkook quietly, his slender finger tapping on the head of the porcelain frog. “You know, logically, there has to be a cutest person on earth. Everyone has varying levels of cute, all falling somewhere on the spectrum, but someone has to be at the end of that spectrum. Where there's varying degrees, there's statistical anomalies, and I say, that you just may indeed be the cutest person on earth.”

Jungkook gawks at the stranger, “I'm sorry?” he asks incredulously.

Seokjin smiles, “You. Cutest person on earth.”

Jungkook shakes his head and looks at the ground, “I don't know,” he says, “That sounds a bit-”

Seokjin interrupts him, “I'm certain of it.” he says.

Jungkook glances up at Seokjin, “You're what?” he asks.

“I'm certain.” Seokjin says, “You've convinced me, kid. You are indeed the cutest person on earth, I guarantee it.”

Jungkook licks his lips, “Well thank you, I'm flattered, but-”

Seokjin interrupts him again. “Wasn't a compliment.” he says, “It was simply the statement of a fact. A fact I'm sure of now.”

Jungkook presses his lips together and squints. “Uh.” he says.

“Look, kid. I've been around the block.”

“Of cute people? I'm confused.”

Seokjin grins, “Let me explain it this way; long story short, I happen to be the most beautiful person on earth.” If he were anyone else, Seokjin would have lost Jungkook at this point, but looking at Seokjin's perfect hair, his perfect eyes, and his perfect smile, Jungkook finds that it isn't very hard to believe Seokjin at all. “I can show you my badge, but I feel like that wouldn't be particularly impressive to you.”

Jungkook doesn't even need proof. No person's appearance could ever compare to the ethereal grace and beauty of a thousand angels singing together to build up a being of pure grace. One look at Seokjin could end one war and start another. There's no question in Jungkook's mind. But he does have a few doubts about the legitimacy of Seokjin's claimed badge. “You have a badge that says you're the most beautiful person on earth?” he says eyebrows drawn.

Seokjin laughs, “No,” he says, “Well not exactly. It's a government badge that declares me as part of a special sector of law enforcement. The BTS Task Force. Not very impressive to someone who's never heard of BTS, I imagine. You haven't heard of BTS, have you?”

Jungkook finds himself shaking his head before he answers. This 'bts' sounds more like gibberish to him than an official sector of the law enforcement agency. “No,” he says eventually, “I've never heard of BEE TEE ESS. Are you telling me your job is literally to look beautiful?”

Seokjin smiles. “My mom said I could be anything.” he replies. He reaches into the pocket of his suit coat and pulls out his ID. It looks like a badge alright. It's got Seokjin's picture on it that looks suspiciously more like a bedazzled picture of a soap opera star a than an ID photo. The letters “BTS" are printed in bold blue lettering across it like an FBI badge in the movies. Seokjin's full name, Kim Seokjin, is printed right above his signature along with his ID Number 3838. There's a golden emblem on the other end of the ID of a bulletproof vest.

Jungkook sucks on the inside of his cheek, “Okay,” he says, still inspecting the bizarre badge.

“If you look at the ID number upside down, you'll see that it looks like it says 'BEBE'. It's like 'babe' but cuter, I guess.”

Jungkook slides his eyes up from the badge to study Seokjin. “Uh huh.” he says. “and why does your photo sparkle?” he asks.

“It's a fabrication prevention tactic, so that the badges can't be counterfeit. Look it was Glee's idea.”

Jungkook's about to ask why anyone would bother counterfeiting such an obscure badge, but he gets caught up on the weird ass name Seokjin had just mentioned. “Glee?” he says.

Seokjin hums, “Ah yes, we call our agents by their code names while we're out in the field. Glee is one of our six BTS agents; Kim Taehyung. All our BTS agents epitomize something, like you epitomize cuteness and I: beauty. We call ourselves wonders of the world, but we couldn't get that trademarked. We couldn't get W.O.W. trademarked either which is a shame because it would have been cool to be able to call myself a wow.” Jungkook makes a face that Seokjin ignores. “We call ourselves Swonders instead. Swons for short.”

“Taehyung is our agent that epitomizes happiness and joy." Soekjin continues, "He's the one that picks the names. You'll get used to it.” Jungkook's expression never changes as he dwells in the fact that someone had actually nicknamed themselves 'Glee'

Seokjin checks Jungkook's reaction before continuing, “Which brings me back to how I do indeed know that you are the cutest person on earth, other than just the virtue of, well... look at you." He gestures to Jungkook and looks him up and down emphatically, "As the most beautiful person on earth-” he says with the most practiced disregard, “You seem to be surprisingly immune.”

“Immune?” Jungkook asks.

Seokjin gestures to Jungkook's unconscious boss who still lays sprawled out on the floor. Jungkook spares a glance at him. Junmyeon's head is lolled to the side, eyes closed, but he's sporting an unsettingly wide smile on his face. “Swons are immune to Swons.” Seokjin explains.

Jungkook licks his lips. “Okay.” Jungkook says, considering, “That sounds really stupid, but let's say I believe you. What do you want with me?”

Seokjin bares his inhumanly perfect teeth as he smiles at Jungkook, “I want you to come with me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fic I write as catharsis whenever Jungkook does something cute, it's a Hyperbolic Cleanse™


	3. The BTS Task Force

Much to Seokjin's dismay, Jungkook insists that he has to finish his shift at work before he goes out on any adventures because it's his first job ever god damn it and he's going to be a model employee that doesn't leave with random strangers no matter how beautiful they are. To Jungkook's dismay, having The Most Beautiful Boy In The World™ standing next to him as he works is a relentless distraction.

By Jungkook's count, twenty people have stopped and stared for a disconcerting amount of time, four people have fainted, and one person immediately declared that they'd refound religion the second they laid eyes on him.

And Jungkook had thought being The Cutest Person On Earth™ had been a challenge.

At exactly 5:00pm Jungkook finally turns to look at Seokjin who had spent the last two hours leering over his shoulder and frowns because Seokjin could still a man's heart with a single wave of his hand and all Jungkook could do with his cuteness is make people want to wrap blankets around him and make him soup. He doesn't even like soup. Seokjin winks. It is a perfectly executed wink that no mortal man could withstand the true force of. Jungkook dies inside.

Seokjin leads Jungkook into a fancy sports car that's parked right outside his office building and Jungkook wonders idly how he could have scored the parking spot before remembering that Seokjin is The Most Beautiful Person On Earth. He wonders if Seokjin had scored the expensive car in the same way. Probably, he figures. Very probably. He doesn't ask about it.

Seokjin continues to talk about BTS as he drives.

“There's six of us. Seven that we know of including you. Swons, statistical anomalies, superheros, whatever you want to call us. BTS is a government trained task force that's basically on call for any inflamed situations where we need to get things under control for other law officers to take over. We get called all over the country for tasks that need our specific skill set; robberies, hostage situations, murder investigations, you name it. We all have our talents that make us particularly,” he pauses as he searches for the word, “Persuasive.”

Jungkook considers Seokjin, “Right." he says. "Who are you 'persuading' again?” 

Seokjin's eyes don't leave the road as he nears a parking light and turns on his turn signal, “Criminals mostly.” he says casually.”It's a lot easier to apprehend criminals if you can get them to cooperate with you.”

“That makes sense.” Jungkook says reservedly. “In theory. I guess.”

“Well, what I do, for instance, is I just charm the pants off them,” Seokjin says before giving Jungkook a brief heart stopping smile and a wink, “Or in more dire situations I'll just turn up the heat a bit by just giving them a cool gaze and touching my lip a bit-” he takes his hand off the steering wheel to demonstrable thumb at his bottom lip “-and that just puts them right out. I think I've made over a thousand criminals pass out that way. It's a good tactic if you're just trying to get people out of the way. I once knocked out a whole food court of panicked civilians with that look. That was a good day though, I was wearing my nice shirt.”

He looks over at Jungkook again to grin, “You get the idea. We all have our special talents.”

Jungkook says, “You said you had five other agents?”

Seokjin checks his rear view mirror as he comes to a stop at a stoplight before continuing. Well, we got me who's beauty, code name Babe.” He pauses to glance at Jungkook as he drives, “I have to remind you that Glee was the one who made the names, we kind of just let him do whatever he wants because well- you'll know when you meet him. Then we got Jung Hoseok who is hopes, dreams and ambitions personified; code name Hope. We have Kim Namjoon who's just intelligent and wise so we call him Wisdom, Kim Taehyung or Glee who's is basically just happiness personified, and then we also have Park Jimin who's-”

Jungkook starts at the familiar name, “Wait, Park Jimin?” he interjects,

Seokjin doesn't seem to register Jungkook's question as he lifts his head to peer across the dashboard at one of the buildings ahead. “Oh, we're here.” he says. He makes a turn into the parking tunnel of a large concrete building with giant columns and small windows.

Jungkook tries to forget that he had just been ignored on a very important question. “Park Jimin?” he prompts. Seokjin hums and pulls up to the tollbooth. “Ah yes, I forgot we paired you with Agent Park.” He says absentmindedly as he rolls down his window.

Jungkook blinks dumbly, “Wait, paired me?” he says.

Seokjin takes a card out of his wallet and inserts it into the tollbooth. “Yes, well when we heard reports of you being The Cutest Person on Earth™ we sent in Agent Dumpling to investigate. You met him at a fair, right? Three or so months ago?”

“Wait, what? Are you kidding me?" Jungkook sputters, "Agent Dumpling?”

“Afraid not, kid.” Seokjin replies seriously. “Agent Dumpling is one of our most effective agents actually.”

Jungkook's stomach ties itself in knots. Does his friend secretly working at a government agency that's scouting him out count as betrayal? “Jimin?” Jungkook asks incredulously, which is foolish because of course the Agent Jimin and his Jimin are the same person; no other person could be called Agent Dumpling so seriously.

Jungkook reviews all he knows about Jimin; looks for something that should have tipped him off. Of course there was the fact that Jimin managed to be Jungkook's friend and not a complete blubbering mess in front of Jungkook, which means he was immune. He remembers how incessantly Jimin clung to his cheeks. Maybe only partially immune. However, if Jimin was also supposedly a so-called swon then he must have some sort of specialty to speak for, and people didn't stop on the street to stare at Jimin like they do Jungkook. Or rather, if they had, Jungkook hadn't noticed, being so used to being the one stared at.

Upon thinking about it, Jungkook realizes that there is definitely something special about Jimin. Something sweet and pure.

Soekjin pulls up to the parking block. “Park Jimin.” he confirms. He lets the car run while in park, “He's what we call a low profile swon, meaning you can't tell by looking at him what he epitomizes. We send him on low profile cases like undercover work, surveillance, or things we want done subtly. You and me are high profile swons. Obviously I'm the most beautiful person on earth, and obviously you're the cutest, but with swons like Jimin, you have to engage with them first. Can you guess what he epitomizes?”

Jungkook thinks that Jimin is a lot of things. Jimin is awkward jokes and lazy insults accompanied by a smile that could brighten the earth long after the atmosphere is overtaken by soot and ash. Jimin can be quiet and calming, but cheery, loud and obnoxious in the same breath. Jimin is thoughtful and attentive; always willing to go the extra mile, and strong enough that he always makes it much farther. Jimin is sweet and kind and caring enough to keep you warm on the coldest winter nights, and soft enough to dream on. Jimin is a number of things in a very unique, very Jimin way. He could encompass an infinite list of things: kindness, reliability, lame jokes, obnoxiousness, cuteness 2.0. Almost anything.

Jungkook shakes his head minutely. “Sweetness?” he guesses.

Soekjin smiles. “Close.” he says. “Our Agent Dumpling actually epitomizes all that is _good_. An actual angel, so to speak. He is all that is sweet and pure on earth concentrated into one person. Goodness.” He hums and turns off the ignition, “I've never never known a person with a more generous heart or a purer core. And the work he does for us is absolutely incredible.” Soekjin's hands remain on the steering wheel, but he turns to look at Jungkook.

“You know, we once had to deal with a hostage situation at a bank." he explains, leaning slightly towards Jungkook's side of the car conspiringly. "To minimize the damage we sent Agent Dumpling in. All we had to do was get Jimin on the phone with the with the perpetrators and five minutes later they just released all the hostages and came out of the bank with their hands behind their heads; giving themselves up willfully to be arrested. They wanted to do right by everyone they had wronged by serving their time. It was the most incredible thing anyone had ever witnessed; no one could believe it. I heard people that had overheard Jimin's end of the conversation talk about it. They said that everyone around them had been reduced to tears by Jimin's words, they were so pure, and good, and inspiring.”

Seokjin cocks his head to the side, looking into the distance reverently. “Later, I asked Jimin about what he had said to them. He told me was that he had told them 'the truth'. I don't even know what that was supposed to mean. ”

Soekjin pauses to let out a short breath. “Jimin,” he summarizes, “Is absolutely incredible.”

“Yeah. Jungkook says, blinking at Soekjin, voice tinged with awe even to his own ears. “He is.” Good old Jimin. Jungkook's Jimin. Inspiring, kindhearted and pure.

Soekjin gives Jungkook a tiny smile, “He should be around here somewhere. Come on upstairs, let me show you around.”

. . .

The BTS Task Force Headquarters turns out to have looked deceptively small. Jungkook has been lead by a reception desk, and through a lobby, an office department, a gym, training rooms, a laboratory, archives, and through a whole host of rooms that are filled with computers and equipment that Jungkook just doesn't understand. There's also a coffee shop on bottom floor that Seokjin uses to buy Jungkook a caramel macchiato and a sandwich.

There are a lot of people milling about the building: office workers, custodial staff, people in suits. They're all wearing these peculiar high-tech-looking goggles fashioned after the fancy gadgets Jungkook has only ever seen in Sci-Fi films before.

As Jungkook is used to seeing people drop whatever they're doing to squee at him, he's surprised to find that they barely register him. No one takes notice of him, or even Soekjin for that matter. Jungkook checks to make sure Soekjin is still indeed the prettiest person in the existence of forever. He is. Jungkook averts his eyes immediately and finds the first person he has seen in the entire building that isn't wearing those peculiar goggles, standing by the water cooler with a cup in his hands.

The boy looks up and meets Jungkook's gaze, and then proceeds to light up 1000 watts. It's blinding. The man just radiates life, expectations, and fortune. Upon looking at him, Jungkook feels a warmth in his belly... a confidence... a hope.

“Shit Jinnie.” The man beams, smile broader than Soekjin's shoulders. “Is that the newbie? I've never seen somebody so cute in my entire life. Jesus how do you fit so much cute into a tiny package?”

Jungkook shifts uncomfortably, “I'm taller than you.” he pouts.

Soekjin laughs, “Jungkook,” he says, “This is Special Task Force Agent Jung Hoseok.”

“I'm your hope, I'm your angel, I'm Agent Hope!” Hoseok says, extending a hand, smile giving off more light and warmth than the sun. Jungkook shies away from it, but takes Hoseok's hand which Hoseok shakes vigorously.

“How are ya holding out, newbie?” Hoseok asks, still somehow grinning. “This place is bizarre isn't it? Like you've entered some alien world? How has Soekjin been treating ya? Well, I _hope_.” he winks.

Jungkook opens his mouth to reply but Soekjin's sigh fills the air instead, “Of course I'm treating him well. Wisdom sent me for a reason you know.”

Hoseok sighs a sigh, that even if it is condescending, does not feel condescending in the slightest. It feels uplifting! Incredible! Who is this amazing man, Jungkook thinks. “Wisdom has great oversight; he can't control for obscure details.” Hoseok says, still radiating all the potential for luck and goodness in life, “He said you were the best candidate because you're high profile. It's easy to believe you're the most beautiful man in the world when you literally are the most beautiful man in the world.”

“He sent me because I'm nice.” Soekjin retorts, “I can't help the fact that I'm beautiful.”

“Lord knows you don't let me forget that.” Hoseok says, “Anyway, have you spoken to Director Min yet? I heard he wants to meet our protege.”

“I was just about to head to his office actually,” Soekjin replies.

Hoseok nods, and looks to Jungkook, “Alright, well good luck to both of you.” he turns to Jungkook. “I _hope_ -” he winks again and Jungkook wonders how often he makes that joke, “to see you around here again.” Hoseok promptly turns 180 degree and walks down the hallway, footsteps hopping with boundless energy.

Soekjin tilts his head in Jungkook's direction. “So,” he says, “How do you feel about meeting our boss?”

 


	4. Director Min

Director Min's office lies at the end of a hallway on the highest floor of the building. Beyond the wooden door with the silver sign on it reading “Executive Director Min, Yoongi” is a waiting room with dark leather chairs and a middle aged harmless looking secretary behind an oak desk. She doesn't have the obscure goggles on but there's a pair sitting on the desk in front of her unused. She looks up at Junkook and Soekjin and immediately proceeds to drop her pen and starts gaping at Soekjin.

“A-Agent S-S-Soekjin,” she says, eyes cartoonsihly wide as she stammers, “Mr- Mr. Min is expect- expecting you.”

“Mrs. Lee,” Soekjin greets, “Forget to wear your goggles again?”

“Uh- yes.” she says, eyes never leaving Soekjin as she paws blindly at her desktop until her hands land on the goggles. “You're so beautiful.”

“I'm aware.” Soekjin says, “We'll be out of here soon. Please put them on for the time being.”

Mrs. Lee's eyes flicker between Jungkook and Soekjin, her hands clasped tightly around the lenses of her goggles.

“Mrs. Lee.” Soekjin prods.  
  
Mrs. Lee's lips turn white as she presses them together tightly, eyes owlish and unblinking. "How can I deny my eyes this godly blessing, when it stands here before me."

“They're for your own protection.” Soekjin reminds her.

Mrs. Lee squeezes her eyes shut. “Yes, I know.” she says before shakily placing her goggles over her eyes. She takes a deep breath, palms hovering over the lenses and then she lowers her hands, relaxing her shoulders.

“Agent Soekjin.” she says, demeanor changed completely, “Director Min is expecting you. Do you want me to buzz you in?”

“Yes, thank you.” Soekjin replies. Mrs. Lee turns away from the two of them and begins pressing buttons on her phone.

The door to Director Min's office is a dark ocher with a silver handle and a large window overlooking Director Min's office. It's dim. The only light source is the low light of the lamp on Director Min's desk, and the bit of light that comes through the drawn curtains. Director Min himself sits in a large musty chair behind a desk scattered with piles of paper taller than Jungkook himself.

Director Min hunches over the files in front of him, back curled forward and head tipped down. The only significant feature Jungkook can make out from this angle is a mop of grey hair. A red light flashes on the receiver next to him and he presses a button and talks silently to the secretary for a moment. He nods a bit, playing with an edge of the folder before him. He then takes his hand off the button and finally looks up; straight at Jungkook. Jungkook gets his first look at Director Min Yoongi's face.

He looks about a thousand years old. Jungkook can't quite place what it is about the man but he looks like he has seen everything there is to see and has forgotten all of it. There are infinite years of experience etched into his leather skin, his eyes deep set and weary with the weight of his years. Director Min pushes himself up on his wobbly elbow; movements slow and careful as if one wrong move could break his brittle bones.

Jungkook looks upon the ancient man in awe. Someone of that age still managing to cling on to life and managing a task force deserves more than Jungkook's respect. A man that old must know things beyond imagination and have experience beyond measure.

“Is that wisdom?” Jungkook whispers, watching Director Min as he shakily pushes himself up.

“Hm?” Seokjin hums, caught off guard, “You mean Old Man Yoongles?”

Jungkook recoils, “I mean what?”

Seokjin glances away from Jungkook and to the ancient hobbling figure behind the door. “You didn't hear that from me.” he says, “He hates that name, pretend I never said it.” Jungkook squints an eye at Seokjin and gets no response, instead Soekjin just continues. “And to answer your question; no, that's not Wisdom. Agent Wisdom is second to the director. Old Man Yoongles and him are the guys that started the BTS department, they're the only formally trained federal agents.”

Jungkook gazes at the elderly man wobbling towards him at the pace of a tortoise. Jungkook notes the lack of protective goggles.

“Is he-” Jungkook starts, trying to remember what Soekjin had called him, “Is he a swon?”

Soekjin nods, eyes still on Director Min. “Yeah, he's like us.” he says, “Low profile. Well, one could say _no profile_ even.”

Jungkook eyes Director Min. The tiny decreped man has only made it halfway to the door wit his shaking legs and tiny strides. “What does he epitomize then?” he asks.

“Beats me.” Soekjin says immediately. “Old age maybe? Grouchiness? No one here really knows. No one except Director Min himself, and probably Agent Wisdom.”

“You can't tell?” Jungkook asks.

“Yoongi is surprisingly impenetrable.” Soekjin claims, “We've only really made guesses at it but we can never be sure.”

“Oh.”

The door handle clicks and Jungkook watches the door creak open to reveal a very small and hunched over elderly man frowning up at him.

“Agent Babe.” Director Min greets, eyes migrating to Soekjin.

“Director Yoongles.” Soekjin responds looking down at Director Min. “Where's your cane, old man?”

“Up your ass.” Director Min reports gruffly, then he turns his tired eyes back to Jungkook. “Jeon Jungkook.” he greets looking deeply into Jungkook's soul with his ancient orbs of wisdom. “I'm the Executive Assistant Director for the Special Task Force BTS in the Department of Superhero-ish Justice; a branch of Federal Law Enforcement. Do you understand where you are?”

Jungkook shifts his footing under the scrutinizing gaze of ancient wisdoms long forgotten by modern man. “Not really.” he confesses.

Director Min grunts in response and turns to Soekjin, “You've shown Jungkook the building?” he asks, “Given him an idea of what this place is and how it works?” Soekjin nods. “Awesome.” says Director Min. “I'll take it from here, thank you hyung.”

Hyung. Jungkook lets out a startled snort and Yoongi turns to frown deeply at him, leather skin wrinkling grotesquely. Jungkook looks down at the ancient man bewildered. “That has to be a joke.” he half coughs.

Director Min pouts at Jungkook. Legitimately pouts. “I'm twenty four.” he says.

 

After Soekjin informs them that he'll wait for Jungkook outside Director Min's office, it takes another five mintues for Director Min to hobble back to his seat. He gestures for Jungkook to sit down across from him. Jungkook pulls out the chair and sits quietly down, hands in his lap and playing with the seam of his pants.

“So.” Director Min says, opening the folder on his desk and straightening it. “Jungkook.” he pauses to graze his eyes over the papers before him. “You're very cute.” he says disinterestedly.

“So I've been told.” Jungkook replies.

Director Min nods to himself and flips absentmindedly through whatever notes are before him, “And what do you think of BTS so far?”

Jungkook worries his lip, “I-uh.” he says, “It's not like anything I ever imagined could exist.” he says reservedly. Director Min snorts, briefly flicking his eyes up from his desk to glance at Jungkook.

“It's, um, interesting.” Jungkook continues and Director Min hums, already looking back down again. “You, er, seem to have a very unique team assembled here, what with the most beautiful man in the world and all.” Director Min tilts his head to the side in affirmation.

“I don't know.” Jungkook says. “It's bizarre to be perfectly honest.” he pauses and and Director Min blinks calmly at the papers before him “But then again, I've always lived a sort of bizarre life I guess.”

Director Min nods and finally lifts his head from his papers to look Jungkook in the eye, eyes piercing through all the lies Jungkook has ever told in his measly twenty years of life. “Do you feel like you belong here?” Director Min asks.

Jungkook blinks. “I'm sorry?”

“Does this place seem right to you? Do you feel like you share experiences with the people here, like you're made of the same material? I'm actually offering you a job here.”

Jungkook licks his lips, “A job?” he questions, “As a BTS agent? Or like a secretary?”

Director Min lets the ghost of an ancient (twenty four year old) smile flicker across his face. “As an agent; a member of the BTS Task Force of course.”

Jungkook can't find the words to respond, but to his relief Director Min continues speaking alone. “Naturally being an agent of the law requires significant training. You'll need an education in law and law enforcement as well as tactical training, field training, and specialized individual training sessions for you to hone your unique talent for cuteness. Then there are other things you'll need to pick up along the way. It'll be a long process but I think you'll find it's worth it. If you speak to any of our other agents they'll tell you that they've found a job specifically tailored to them. It's not easy work, mind you, but it is fulfilling.” He pauses, hands folded over his desk and looks meaningfully to Jungkook.

“So.” he says. “Jeon Jungkook. What do you say?”

During that entire short monologue Jungkook still hadn't found his vocal chords so that he could reply. He mulls the offer over in his mind. He's never heard of the BTS task force before, and while the headquarters sure put on a convincing display, the concept sounded too bizarre and too pure to be real. But then again Jungkook himself is also too bizarre and too pure to be real.

As his life was going now; he was a inhumanly and hazardously cute, but employed in an office where every person ogles him like he was The Tiniest Bunny on display in a circus and not an actual person. Jungkook had been inconveniently cute his entire life and had only suffered for it. Now this old (twenty four year old) man was offering him a job simply for having the quality of being the most precious widdle oodle moodle on the entire earth. A job that promised to be tailored specifically to him, where he would be united with other people that faced the same struggles as he did.

Hell, Jungkook's only friend Jimin apparently worked here and if Jungkook couldn't trust the personification of the sweetness in cotton candy that was Jimin then who could he trust?

“I'm in.” Jungkook says, jaw set and a look of determination settling on his face.

A small smile cracks the ancient weathered skin on Director Min's face.

“Welcome to BTS.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell Yoongi is my bias? hehehe
> 
> On another note... when was the last time i updated this? I hope you enjoy these two new chapters out of the blue! ^.^


	5. Agent Sunshine, Lolipops and Rainbows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating this fic in honour of Junkook's birthday! ^^  
> I needed something to motivate me to actually write it  
> I literally wrote it right into AO3 thats how unedited it is

Jungkook finds Soekjin sitting in the waiting room for him when he steps out of Director Min's office. His one leg lies elegantly on top on the other, enhancing the way his lean frame lies casually against the fabric of the chair. His entire being radiates a celestial grace, his natural poise holds the elegance of my cat Snowflake. Soekjin tilts his head up to look at Jungkook, the slow pan of his facial features in the light of the office like a beam of grace from the heavens themselves.

“How'd it go?” rings the voice of a thousand angels, Jungkook blinks at the shining beacon of light before him momentarily disoriented. He should have mentally braced himself for Soekjin’s ethereal beauty, but something in his gut tells him no man could ever be prepared for it.

“I-uh,” Jungkook says, not quite understanding what had happened in the office either, but to some extent getting used to the shenanigans of this estate. “I got a job.”

Soekjin's perfect eyebrows raise by the golden ratio and his mouth slackens like a single feather falling from a dove. “Oh?” he says before his face breaks into a celestial smile; a perfect crescent shape, like the peak of a wave before it crashes back into the ocean. “Awesome, that's fantastic! So you're a member of BTS now?”

Jungkook toes at the floor with his feet, “Well, I still have to give in my two weeks notice at the office.” a small smile creeping onto his face as well.

Soekjin beams, “Ah well, all in good time.” he puts his hands on his knees and pushes himself up, “I guess this means it's time for you to meet Taehyung, then, huh?” he puts his hands on his hips.

“Taehyung?” the name sounded familiar.

“Agent Glee.” Seokjin says, “We have to get your Agent ID in order, right? We still have to pick your name. Are you okay with doing that today?”

Jungkook checks his watch. It's early evening. The only things he has to go home to are dinner and television reruns, and Seokjin had already fed him from the cafeteria when they had toured the building. “Uh- yeah.” Jungkook says, “We can do that now, sure.”

The clamor around the building has died down some as the day comes to an end and people have begun going home. The building is filled with more echoes now than indistinct chatter but Jungkook will still see the odd person in a pair of goggles walking around. Seokjin leads Jungkook through some hallways and down an elevator until they turn up at a door that reads “administration” and opens to reveal a room filled with filing cabinets, computers, and one man without the obligatory goggles slouched in front of a monitor, face lit up with its light.

Soekjin pauses to knock against the open door, declaring his arrival, and the boy looks up, blinking at Soekjin’s ethereal grace with practised disregard. He looks like a normal person; pretty, yes, but nothing strikes Jungkook as particularly grandiose. That is, nothing does until the boy smiles in recognition. It’s a giant boxy smile, one that reaches far past his eyes and lights up his entire being, and is far too genuine to be warranted by Soekjin and Jungkook’s presense. Still, Taehyung bares his teeth in a way that makes him seen brighter than the sun and so so light in worries and so light on his feet that Jungkook is surprised he doesn't just float away.

“TINY!” The boy exclaims the second he lays eyes on Jungkook.

Jungkook stills, taken aback by Taehyung's unwarranted enthusiasm. “Er, what?”

“Tiny! So small! My Agent Tiny Tiny!” the man appears to be speaking some sort of gibberish. He presses his palms to his cheeks, looking upon Jungkook in awe.

Taehyung is acting suspiciously like the people that aren’t immune to Jungook. So much so that he side eyes Seokjin and asks. “Shouldn't he be immune?”

Soekjin makes a noise like a laugh and tilts his head to speak to Jungkook, “He is immune," he says, "he's just very expressive.”

 Jungkook frowns at the buzzing figure in from of him, who seems to now be vibrating from the enthusiasm he's bursting with. "Still." Jungkook says.

Soekjin merely shrugs from beside Jungkook. "It's Tae." he says by way of explanation. "You get used to it." Jungkook thinks everyone here has become a little too accustomed to the extraordinary. It's a bit disorienting, like how the dissonance between vision and balance creates motion sickness.

"Tiny!" says a neglected blur of excitement and energy. "My Agent tiny tiny. That will be your code name in the field I've had this knowledge been passed down to me from my ancient ancestors through my DNA so that the moment I saw you, I would know."

Jungkook purses his lips."Tiny tiny?" he asks.

"Tiny tiny." Taehyung confirms. "Or just Tiny if you prefer." Jungkook suppresses a groan. He prefers neither.

"So, my tiny, tiny, precious bean bun-", continues a carefree Taehyung obliviously "Are you here to get your ID set up? I have paperwork here for you, and we can take your ID photos?"

Taehyung gives Jungkook a wad of paper with a pen to fill in with his personal details and signature while Taehyung sets up the camera and equipment in an adjacent room. When Taehyung calls Jungkook in, Jungkook puts down the paperwork to go join Taehyung to get his pictures taken. He refuses to smile for the camera because these are government photos and god damn it Tae he doesn’t want to look cute in them even if he is ‘Agent Tiny’. Jungkook instead stands still and looks blankly at the camera as Taehyung takes the shot.

Taehyung's never faltering smile, sent down from the heavens to provide the only secondary source of natural light besides the sun, falters as he looks at the screen of his monitor. His eyebrows draw together as he studies the screen. "How did all these bunnies get in here and ruin the shot?"

Jungkook closes his eyes to compose himself. Of course. "That's just me." he says. "It happens."

Taehyung's smile returns, "Oh!" he says brightly, “For a second I could have sworn you were a-”

“A bunch of bunnies in my clothing.” Jungkook finishes. Taehyung’s eyebrows raise as he looks at Jungkook in surprise. “Yeah.”

.           .           .

Two weeks later Jungkook has his first day scheduled at the BTS Headquarters, and he has to pick up his freshly minted ID card. He has talked to Jimin about what it means to have it and Jimin assures him it means very little; it basically just an access pass to verify that he is only an agent in training. Jungkook pouts. He has also asked Jimin whether or not he needs to memorize his ID number and Jimin tells him not to worry about it because Taehyung chooses numbers that you wish you could forget. Jimin’s ID number is 5378818 which spells “BIBBLES”. Jungkook tells him that it suits him and Jimin puts his head in his hands.

When Jungkook finally gets his hands on his government issue, secret agent ID, he feels some amount of pride before he averts his eyes to check his ID number, hoping for something cool like 007. It's not 007. It's 316006. Jungkook flips around his ID to look at it upside down. GOOGIE.

The fuck is a Googie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Googie is a how Jungkook once spelled the romanization of Kookie... upside down numbers can be a g but not a k so googie//  
> I have one really short chapter planned in the future that will add nothing to the plot that ill probs add tommorow but otherwise this fic is going on a likely permanent hiatus. I have too many stories to work on other than this utter nonsense... I removed the relationships from the tags b/c while i was planning on writing them in later in the story... I may never finish the story... so i did not want to falsely advertise this  
> In any case I hoped you liked my Hyperbollic Cleanse as much as I enjoyed writing it :)


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